My Bags Are Packed and I'm Ready to Go

There must be a "How to Pack Efficiently and Pause Free" manual somewhere.  Aside from the physical breaks one must take from packing to move, there are the occasional stops along Memory Lane which can bring the momentum to a screeching stop and smell the roses halt.

Packing up the colored ceramic dishware my mom painted for me reminded me of the day I opened the UPS box she sent.  Not only did it have the dishware but it had colored place mats and colored tapers with square holders.  What a thoughtful gift!  She knew I like to make a pretty table at meal time and there she sent me another excuse for preparing good food.

I came across a card written in elegant penmanship from my much missed godmother, Aunt Dolly, who passed on this last December.  For as long as I can recall receiving mail, she had been sending me a birthday and Christmas card every year.  Something was missing in December.

Oh! and the photo of me holding a carrot with the utmost tips of my fingers for a horse to eat.  Gingerbread Man became my good friend and trusted teacher who welcomed me into the horse world.  What a bond we shared.

My poor backgammon board.  It has been tucked away, lonely, at one point a reminder of lamentable sportsmanship.  I always loved playing board games.  Naturally, I would play to win and I play by the rules and I insist on being the banker in Monopoly, but having fun was always the priority.  I prefer playing tennis with someone better than I so I can play hard and work for a win.  If I didn't win, which in all these years of game playing, there were many times, I laughed, congratulated the winner and either set up for a rematch or moved on to whatever I was doing next.  I saw no point in any resentment or anger or frustration with losing.  It was a game!

In the early months of our dating, I would hear the stories of the backgammon marathons at the hospital.  They played at such an expert level because their minds thought this way.  I enthusiastically initiated a game because it had been a while since I had played, but when my much beloved backgammon board was opened, I felt the foreboding of a helpless loss.  The problem was, I didn't lose.  In fact, the game never was finished because the spike in heart rate that my advantage brought about, also brought about a slamming shut of the board with pieces flying all over.  What a shock!

My game companion was only opened another time or two and the experience was so opposite of the fun I brought to the table that it seemed disrespectful to my board to unclip the buckles again.  So there it stayed, in a closet, move after move.

But this move is different.  My backgammon board will hide no more!  And I welcome anyone to a fine roll of the dice.

What's Your Hobby?

It's no secret I was profoundly dismayed by the Supreme Court decision today to allow a for-profit company to claim it has greater religious freedom rights than those afforded to persons as their justification to deny women a critical part of their overall health care.  You can stop there to feel good about this ruling or you can look a bit deeper and acknowledge that this is a corporation, started by a man from a family of preachers and his two sons, that is denying women the power of decision making in caring for their own bodies and health in the best way for them and often under the direction of a medical professional.

This got me thinking about why more women aren't outraged at the slope we are beginning to descend. Also, it got me thinking about the women who support these kinds of rulings and how narrow their vision is.

Being schooled as a Catholic, those Ten Commandments often come to mind when I ponder actions, such as this, that are lauded in the name of god.  I mean, I would imagine every Christian woman who claims superiority over others because of their relationship to god would be devout followers of the sacred tablets.  Let's review:

1) You shall have no other gods before me.
What about that glass of wine every night that you can't live without?  Or is it scotch?

2) You shall not make idols.
What would we find if we looked in your bedside table drawer?

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
Check your passion! Are you sure you always scream, "Oh! Goodness!"?

4) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Do you always send the gardener back home when he wants to work on Sundays?

5) Honor your father and your mother.
Surely this includes in-laws.

6) You shall not murder.
I have searched for a qualifier that makes this apply only to humans.  I'll keep looking.

7) You shall not commit adultery.
Doesn't that occasional guilty gratitude for a break from the obligation that you have, in between the repressed rage and anger knowing about the late nights at the office, make you a tad complicit?

8) You shall not steal.
Remember that stop at the charming vineyard taken as a business expense deduction on last year's taxes?

9) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
In modern day interpretation, I'm comfortable applying this to lumping all women who use birth control in the category of dirty-sex-for-pleasure-seekers without bearing the consequences... like you willfully did.

10) You shall not covet.
Let's face it, that new car decision was partly to keep up with the Joneses.

Now, I know I'm rusty on the good book and perhaps I could be corrected here or there, but in wracking my brain, I don't recall reading that we get to run Judgment Day, at least from this earthly life time.  How about we get a new hobby and let people choose their own sins, live with those choices and burn in their own infernos.  

Helen

All the animals love to participate, in their own way, in chores, especially when it's something different.  Today, I came back from having the car washed and left it outside the garage so I could clean the inside of the windows and sweep out the garage--also known as packing avoidance.  The dogs gathered around, each with their own ball and the 8 chickens came over to offer their help.

An open garage is always cause for much hen chatter.  They went in, just a little, and back out, back in, back out, each of them checking out the cement floor and telling each other of their individual experience into no-no land.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to get a few things accomplished in a reasonable amount of time but I have to push the gooey dog saliva ball off my lap while cleaning the inside windshield, then do a very quick halt and jump to the side when I got out to avoid stepping on Cinnamon.  As I moved from window to window, I was surrounded.  I have to admit, there is never a lack for companionship here at the ranch.

Well, poor Helen, who only has one eye, was rounding the front of the car from the left side which also happens to be her missing eye, and Boink!  She cut the corner too close and walked right into the moulding.  Thankfully most cars are made of plastic these days so it was no more than a gentle reminder that she ought to swing out a little wider.  But being a chicken, hugging in close is always safer.

My Story: Part I

Some ask,

"How come you didn't leave?"

It was a catharsis in the making.  Once the transformation started, it couldn't be stopped.  We see this in the Death card in Tarot. The sailboat is under sail, the new day is dawning on the horizon and the rider is down to bare bones, no battle gear, no spurs but rather an arrow, a red feather of life's passion in the hat, atop a white horse of purity, a front foot raised in motion, moving forward under the benediction of spirit.  It ceased to be about the other person.  It was my awakening.

"Where did you find the strength?"

As soon as my soul agreed to ask for help, the Universe started to deliver and continued to provide me the tools I needed to allow this process to unfold.  Reconnecting with my parents in a most profound and meaningful way was step one in feeling supported.  Finding the spiritual path that resonated with my being and beliefs gave me the grounding and trust I needed to recognize, if only mildly consciously, that this moment in time was critical in my life if I was to fully live as the person I was brought here to be.  




"But he was an a****!"

And that's what it took to call me out on my mastery of the expert level defensive and avoidance game.  My program was so well oiled, so tight, I could run circles around most.  As my experiences started to spark and were leading me toward a path of healing, it was still only a faint flicker. Only a raging beast could outwit the slyest of foxes.  I could not hide, not even from myself.  And when the beast would rage, finally, I would begin to shake out of the years of numbness.  I could still outwit a simple mirror.  My fortress required a fun house.

"Do you miss him?"

No.  The lesson was, and still is, so encyclopedic and truly that of a metamorphosis that my heart has safely stored the hurt and depression under "was useful, but no longer necessary" and the intermittent joy and love has been absorbed into the ability to be compassionate and forgiving, of both of us.  Our relationship no longer looks the same.  It has been dismantled and the various parts are now blended into a greater, higher personal good.

Namaste.

Big Red Laid to Rest at Respite Ranch

I try hard not to blame myself.  What good would that do?  I'd only feel worse and the situation would still be the same. The best one can do is learn from each experience.  When things are in balance on the ranch and all is quiet and good, it's sometimes hard to switch into suspicion mode because it's just not what the vibe has been.  The lesson is: always defer to the animals.  Always respect and resonate with their instinct.  They are the creatures who do not question what their gut is telling them; only we do that with our thoughts.

A week ago, I was in the midst of a fashion crisis while preparing to head out to teach and dance for the night.  I should have left 7 minutes earlier and was running very late as I was trying on the 4th top and that's when I heard Shadow alarming.  That caught my attention immediately because it was loud and definitive.  I ran out to the deck to check on everything and saw him and the horses looking out to the street.  The direction of my eyesight followed theirs to find Pippin running along the fence, out in the street.

So last evening, when I heard Big Red and the chickens alarming, I looked out and they were right under my window looking out to the street.  I thought it couldn't be Pippin because they are locked in the dry lot and getting out is impossible (said with hope.)  Just then, I saw Miss Spice squeezing herself out of the dog yard through one of the squares in the field fencing.  I assumed the hens were tattling on her so I never went to the front windows to check the street.  I went out to the deck, called the girls for a little snack, counted all 9 and went back inside to shower believing all was well.

Just minutes after stepping out of the shower, Bodie and Pinkie started barking so ferociously at the windows.  Again, some things cannot be ignored, so I ran to see what it was and there was a fox, in my yard.  I started screaming out the window, not wanting to take my eyes off of it.  As it slipped between the lines of the electric fence, I noticed it had feathers in its mouth.  I ran for clothes, sent the dogs out to the yard and ran outside still buttoning my shirt.  The predator came in and out of the fence a couple of times until I let the dogs loose, and presumably it got wind of my wild strength to protect my ranch.

When the girls are threatened, they run to a safe spot and stay put.  I had to go find where that was.  I found Angel, Cat and Cinnamon huddled together, Cat looking like the fox got a bit of her.  I picked her up, found the fox only got a mouthful of feathers, and carried her to the hen house.  I did this, one by one, for the other two and then I saw Ginger.  After going back and forth and calling for the other girls, Marilyn, Squirrel, Helen and Spice came running across the dry lot toward me at the hen house.  Safely locked in, I went out looking for my Big Red.

Finding him was devastating.

In the next twenty five minutes I needed to secure his body, go in the house wipe my tears, get dressed and get to my 8pm lesson.  I don't really remember teaching the class; I presume it went well.  I left and was back home before 10pm.  I went out in the night air to walk the ranch and make sure that in my adrenaline fueled frenzy I had latched all gates and closed all doors and that everyone was safe and secure.  It was deadening at the hen house.  I am accustomed to hearing Red doodle whenever I approach the house, even at night.  Silence.  The girls were fine, Ginger Astaire now in charge.

This morning was a rough start.  I didn't let the hens out as I do every morning.  Ginger protested all morning right into the afternoon.  I took time to bury my feathered friend and select adornments for his grave.  One pine cone for each of his 8 charges, a solid stone to represent his strength and courage, a branch of three, a number that has always resonated with me, and simple yet striking blue flowers.

The goodles and the dogs were circling around.  I looked up after releasing Big Red to the other side of life and I saw a lilac bush!  A lilac bush with blossoming flowers, both violet and white, with a fragrance to make you swoon.  Obviously the bush had been there last year, but it had not flowered, so I never knew it existed.

In every tragedy there is something to be gained.  Enjoying the simplicity of magical flowers well past their bloom on other bushes in the neighborhood, was the silver lining.  My mother loves lilacs.  We grew up with lilac bushes, light and dark purple and white, across our back fence.  For many of us, the smell of lilacs calms our spirit and makes us smile.  They worked again today.

Context Is Everything

What a funny!  I have been laughing over and over this morning about a Spanish language mix-up.  Actually, it could have happened in either English or Spanish if you think about it.

As some of you know, I have been working quite diligently to plan a successful week of campaigning for my boss, Aelea Christofferson, who is running for a seat in the US House of Representatives.  She is traveling across part of I-84 here in Oregon, making a stop in about six cities by Friday.  My job has been to make contacts in each city, set up interviews with the local media, radio and newspaper, arrange meetings with the mayors, influential community groups and individuals, unions, as well as an Indian tribe and to find someone to host an open house or reception which is open to the public for a meet and greet.  All of this is to set the stage for her return visits and also to inspire people to get out and vote in the Primary Election and certainly in the General Election.

One of the radio interviews I had scheduled for this morning was with La Ley, the Hispanic radio station in Hermiston.  Yesterday, I spoke with the CEO of the station, in Spanish, to introduce Aelea and arrange this interview.

This morning, I was out with the animals, pulling carts and rushing around to get my chores done before heading to an early dentist appointment.  My phone rang.

It was Martín, one of the political news reporters from La Ley who would be joining the interview and who wanted to ask a few questions to fill himself in on the campaign.  There I was, pulling a cart full of hay and being pressed for time, continuing to fill feed buckets and bags, redirecting two bad boy goats who wanted to cut me off so they could stop the cart and eat, meanwhile keeping an eye on Pinkie who was attempting to break into the dry lot to nip at the roaming horses, all the while holding the phone with one gloved hand attempting to refocus my thoughts on the campaign to keep up with the conversation, in Spanish, in a very winded breath.

Me preguntó Martín:  "Está corriendo?"
Yo le contesté:  "No, no, estoy afuera con mis animales."

Pausa.

Question mark lingering in the air.

Oh how I laughed!  I shall add this to my list of language learning humor along with:

"Why do they keep saying thank you good bye?" and "Oh!  You mean tresmedialunas is actually the number of media lunas I can order and not the name of a very big breakfast?"

I love language.  I love how forgiving we can be when speaking with someone in another language.  I love that laughter is universal.

Translation:
Martin asked me, "Are you running?"
I said, "No, no, I'm outside with my animals."

Western Medicine

When possible, I avoid taking medicines and over the counter drugs, preferring effective homeopathic remedies.  But, there are times when one must put chemistry over principle and take a prescription in order to feel better.

It's been quite some time since I've had a sinus infection and I don't recall it feeling so terrible.  Funny how our memory filters out pain and discomfort for us.  Yet, this is what I have and I know there is only one way to rid oneself of that horrid illness and that is antibiotics.  It's been a long month of restless sleep, occasional fever, earaches and headaches and overall blahness.  I did nothing more than the strictest of minimum required and even passed on some of that.  Needless to say, I got behind.  In everything.

Today is day five on medication and I woke up feeling like I actually could participate in something with a somewhat clear head and with a renewed energy rather than working from dwindling reserves.  Keeping in mind doctor's orders, "don't overdo it", I have done several changes of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and the floors, climbed on all fours into Pinkie's kennel and scrubbed it out, took out the trash and recycling and washed the trash can, done a little work work, caught up on poop scooping, scrubbed some water buckets, played endless fetch with the poodles who were so happy momma could once again fling that ball with some umph, hammered a loose flashing on the horse shelter, fixed a pesky part of the fencing that keeps coming down, watched the Bald Eagle new eaglet activity and the beginnings of the second egg hatching, talked to my mom, topped off with a few more miscellaneous items.  And I still have a little left to give!

I'm going to start slowing down for the day as I might be coming close to the overdo limit.  It's when your meds really kick in that you realize just how crappy you have been feeling.

Good health is on the horizon!  May you be healthy as well.