What's to Resolve?

I guess I'm on a new year kick.  I took a good week off from Facebook, not for any reason in particular, but I just did.  Logging in the other day, initially to contact someone because it was the only way I could reach her, I took some time to catch up on some posts.  Some of those posts got me thinking.

The ones that suggest that as of January 1, some undesirable habits or traits were going to vanish suddenly.  I thought, good for you if you have the willpower to make that happen!  Some people are successful with going cold turkey.  But what if not everyone can pull that feat off?  I thought, what if we call in those habits and traits that need to go, look at them, understand why they exist, assess their value or degenerative quality and then with total knowing and purpose and faith in oneself, gently release the attachment to them and find our power to stand naked in a more pure self?

Then there are those posts that suggest that someone is going to appear in the new year to make us happy and feel loved and loving.  I thought, isn't that a cure-all pill!  But what if that someone doesn't appear? I thought, how many people do we know who drift in and out of relationships and on the way out usually have much to say about the short-comings of the other person. Are there really that many bad options for us or are we opting badly?  If we feel void of happiness and love, believing those gifts are bestowed upon us by another, how can we expect someone who possesses them to find us when our own beacon of self-love is dimmed?  If we do not feel love and happiness with ourselves, does it not follow that the energy we attract would also lack love and happiness?  What if we live the life we believe we are here to live, if we look in the mirror daily and the first thing we do is smile back instead of inspect and discount, what if daily we say out loud, "I love you," when we are the only person in the room?

And then there are the lists.  I thought, fifteen things to change about yourself in one year is ambitious and there are people who can attack a to-do list with verve and commitment.  But what about us who get distracted between items one and six?  They say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit or behavior.  Mathematically, that would be 315 days, leaving only 50 days of being a sloth, not even enough time to have a week off between list items.  I thought, instead of being beholden to an optimistic list created by someone else, what if we explored what our heart really needs for us to do.  Maybe it is something on that list, after all, we are not that unique, we are human.  What if we embrace that one list item and not only change the habit or behavior, but live it and breath it and share it and be it?

When I look at the definition of resolution, I see the word act and it is used as a noun, not a verb as to pretend.  And I see the word answer, which means there must be a question.  And I see the word ability, which must mean there is always possibility.  So what is the question?  That, my friends, is entirely up to us.

res·o·lu·tion noun \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\

: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something

: an answer or solution to something

: the ability of a device to show an image clearly and with a lot of detail

My Story: Part I

Some ask,

"How come you didn't leave?"

It was a catharsis in the making.  Once the transformation started, it couldn't be stopped.  We see this in the Death card in Tarot. The sailboat is under sail, the new day is dawning on the horizon and the rider is down to bare bones, no battle gear, no spurs but rather an arrow, a red feather of life's passion in the hat, atop a white horse of purity, a front foot raised in motion, moving forward under the benediction of spirit.  It ceased to be about the other person.  It was my awakening.

"Where did you find the strength?"

As soon as my soul agreed to ask for help, the Universe started to deliver and continued to provide me the tools I needed to allow this process to unfold.  Reconnecting with my parents in a most profound and meaningful way was step one in feeling supported.  Finding the spiritual path that resonated with my being and beliefs gave me the grounding and trust I needed to recognize, if only mildly consciously, that this moment in time was critical in my life if I was to fully live as the person I was brought here to be.  




"But he was an a****!"

And that's what it took to call me out on my mastery of the expert level defensive and avoidance game.  My program was so well oiled, so tight, I could run circles around most.  As my experiences started to spark and were leading me toward a path of healing, it was still only a faint flicker. Only a raging beast could outwit the slyest of foxes.  I could not hide, not even from myself.  And when the beast would rage, finally, I would begin to shake out of the years of numbness.  I could still outwit a simple mirror.  My fortress required a fun house.

"Do you miss him?"

No.  The lesson was, and still is, so encyclopedic and truly that of a metamorphosis that my heart has safely stored the hurt and depression under "was useful, but no longer necessary" and the intermittent joy and love has been absorbed into the ability to be compassionate and forgiving, of both of us.  Our relationship no longer looks the same.  It has been dismantled and the various parts are now blended into a greater, higher personal good.

Namaste.

New Moon Monday

What I love about the moon is that every month we have the opportunity to begin again.  So, here we are at the new moon.  The energy is ripe for setting your intentions, planting the seeds, beginning the pattern of what we would like to manifest in our lives.

It's no accident that today also begins Day 1 of the 21 Day Chopra Meditation Challenge (although I do wish they'd change that name or explain it to me so I understand better why it's a challenge.)

For those who say things like, "It's that way." Or, "I'm like this." I ask you, why can't it be another way?  If what you do, or are, or say, is not serving your highest good, change it.  If it can be one way, it certainly can be another.  The beauty is, you get to choose.

So with this new moon energy, I invite you to look at what shifts you would like to make and go ahead and make them.  Set your intention, verbally, in your heart, your mind, in written word, in whatever way has the most impact for you.  Repeat your intention as we move through this cycle and believe.

I'll see you at the full moon!

Transitions

Transition is good. It's like getting the death card in Tarot; the end of one thing and opening the door for something new.

Transitions can be hard too. Ending a relationship--ugh. Leaving a job, particularly when it's not self-initiated. Moving to a new area--post office notices, documents, maps, new people. And the list goes on.

I look at transitions as a natural progression of one's life. Not everything is meant to stay the same. With change we are challenged. Our comfort zones squeek, the confidence meter flickers, "like the back my hand" isn't a daily possibility. How refreshing to find ourselves with new choices and decisions to make. The possibilities just keep coming.

After almost 20 years in human resources, I'm done. I've had many jobs during those years; each a transition in its own right. But now, it's the big transition and I am more than ready. I don't care to see another resume, read another change in employment law, listen to another grievance, play another HR political dodge. Done.

So a couple of weeks ago I was pulling out of the driveway and as I usually do, rolled down the window to yell hello to the 5 cows that generally hang out down by the road. On the way down the drive, I greeted the horses as I passed them and then the dogs as they ran alongside the car. When I returned home, it was the same in reverse. Then I walked down to the chickens to see how they were doing and checked out the birds flying around on my way. Then I went back inside to work on a dance I was going to teach in my class the next day.

It dawned on me. Transitions make sense.

I've had so much training in behavioral interviewing, reading between the lines, watching body language for that unspoken message, anticipating patterns, noting changes and discrepancies, teaching line managers how to interview candidates and how to conduct a performance review or disciplinary counseling. I may be done with HR, but these tools are engrained in me and are making my new experience even richer.

I notice a change in a horse's behavior or walk and know something isn't quite right, I pick up on the tired energy of an aging dog, I can tell the difference between 2 chickens that look almost identical because I've observed their personalities without realizing it and I can make a complicated line dance come across as easily attainable so everyone gets it.

So, when one thing ends, it's not because it was a failure or didn't work out. That's cheating yourself. It was good for what it was. Hopefully we made the best we could of it. Everything we learn and do will come in handy on another day--maybe years later, maybe tomorrow.

If we welcome transition and know we're being set up for it because we are ready for it, we can trust it and all will be well. If we fear the transition and look at it as a second chance or a Plan B, it will always feel like that: sub-par.

Hug change. It can be great!

Photo with Gingerbread Man after an amazing ride on a beautiful June Sunday afternoon.