Finding My High, Part I

I met her today. She's been screaming in silence. She was in a state of panic. Of shame. A state of fear. She's been showing up, tucked into an oversized barrel chair in the living room in Long Beach where I used to live.

I met her today. I took her hand. The hand that had been clenched with hurt, with rage, with pain. I went to her, stood beside her, and extended my hand. She took my hand. She stood up. My back straightened and my shoulders rolled back. My gaze steadied. My nostrils widened as I filled my lungs with space, expanding what had collapsed until I understood it was her silent roar I had been hearing.

There once was a door, and a room, and that too big chair. Then it was just us. Side by side, yet one in the same. She can rest now. All the work she had done, the struggling, the suffering, the crying, it was necessary. It was the sacrifice she made for me. She built me up. She kept reminding me to go forward. She demands that I never be silent.

She will always be with me; she is me.

Western Medicine

When possible, I avoid taking medicines and over the counter drugs, preferring effective homeopathic remedies.  But, there are times when one must put chemistry over principle and take a prescription in order to feel better.

It's been quite some time since I've had a sinus infection and I don't recall it feeling so terrible.  Funny how our memory filters out pain and discomfort for us.  Yet, this is what I have and I know there is only one way to rid oneself of that horrid illness and that is antibiotics.  It's been a long month of restless sleep, occasional fever, earaches and headaches and overall blahness.  I did nothing more than the strictest of minimum required and even passed on some of that.  Needless to say, I got behind.  In everything.

Today is day five on medication and I woke up feeling like I actually could participate in something with a somewhat clear head and with a renewed energy rather than working from dwindling reserves.  Keeping in mind doctor's orders, "don't overdo it", I have done several changes of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and the floors, climbed on all fours into Pinkie's kennel and scrubbed it out, took out the trash and recycling and washed the trash can, done a little work work, caught up on poop scooping, scrubbed some water buckets, played endless fetch with the poodles who were so happy momma could once again fling that ball with some umph, hammered a loose flashing on the horse shelter, fixed a pesky part of the fencing that keeps coming down, watched the Bald Eagle new eaglet activity and the beginnings of the second egg hatching, talked to my mom, topped off with a few more miscellaneous items.  And I still have a little left to give!

I'm going to start slowing down for the day as I might be coming close to the overdo limit.  It's when your meds really kick in that you realize just how crappy you have been feeling.

Good health is on the horizon!  May you be healthy as well.

Funny How Things Work Out

It's been well over a year that I have been teaching dance at Maverick's and I am there every Friday night.  Tonight is an exception and it's a little strange but it actually worked out for the best.  Funny how the Universe looks after us like that.

This afternoon, Pinkie was at the vet having a laceration tended to.  When I picked her up, she was still very groggy from the sedation, her right front paw bandaged--they even used pink wrap!--and she had a cone, or crown, on her head to prevent her from pulling off her bandage and chewing on her sutures.

Her walk to the car was noticeably crooked.  Rather than put her in the way back where the dogs usually ride, it was easier to load her into the back seat.  She was much happier to be closer to me and let's face, the leather seat felt better than the mat in the back.  On the short ride home, she managed to tip over and I heard it, "crinkle. crunch."  I had stopped at Trader Joe's before picking her up and got another bag of those addicting potato chips.  She landed face first into the grocery bag.

Pinkie definitely required help getting up the stairs but more than that, help maneuvering with the crown on her head.  Bodie had no idea what to make of her and he wanted to cuddle with her but she was too out of it to realize that.

The vet gave me a plastic bag, what was originally a drip solution bag, to put over her paw if she went outside to keep the vet wrap dry and clean.  I thought Bodie and I could sneak out and feed the horses some lunch while Pink slept it off, but no, she staggered to the stairs and once again, required assistance, this time going down.

The dog door.  A cone-headed dog doesn't fit through it.  She couldn't comprehend that so it required backing her up from the door so I could open it in and let her out.  She whined while Bodie and I quickly did our chores and we rushed back in to be with her.  My boss needed a contract reviewed so I managed to squeeze in two hours of editing and writing.

As the afternoon wore on, Pinkie got a little more mobile and decided to go to her favorite place: under my bed.  Crash.  That was the crown banging up against the rails on my bed as she persisted.  Thankfully she relented after a few tries.  As she came back in the living room, Pooker took off flying across the room because the crown scared her.  This cycle happened several times over the next two hours.

When I went out to feed dinner and lock in the hens (I cannot thank the heavens enough for how easy that was tonight) before leaving for my lesson, Pinkie was a bit more alert and really wanted out of the dog yard.  So, again I put on her durable plastic bag and let her follow me.  Mistake.  I forgot how the horses reacted before when sweet Felon had a crown on her head.  Snorting and prancing, the horses wanted to figure out what the heck that beast was!  Then Shadow and Pippin were taken aback--that was short lived.  The hens were running around us and Pinkie was in a panic sensing everyone's discomfort.  Okay, back to the dog yard.

The nearly $200 vet bill took a lot of out me, in addition to my $65 oil change, so I coaxed Pinkie to her blanket on the sofa and I closed my eyes for 20 minutes.  Sort of peace and quiet.  Just before that, Pooker flew again as Pinkie walked by but she landed on the windowsill and was tripping on the view so I let her be.

As I got myself put together to head out, Pinkie was either getting stuck behind a door as she banged it closed on her way through or she'd stand there with half of her crown behind the door and other half exposed wanting to proceed forward.  Assistance required.

I left the dogs in the living area of the house when I left.  If just Bodie were outside, Pinkie would probably bark and whine and if I left Pinkie outside she wouldn't have been able to come into the garage through the dog door.  It hasn't been since a cold night last winter that they were left in the house alone.  And was she going to have any late reaction to the medication?  Did she go pee pee when we were out?  Had her system slowed down with the sedation and would she suddenly need to go out?

As I was driving to Maverick's I was reminded of the pain in my lower back.  I have no idea what I did today but Tiger Balm, heating pad and Tylenol still have not kicked it down.  It hurts.

Then I started receiving messages and texts that the power was out at Maverick's.  Apparently an entire section of town was out.  As it's just a short drive away and no one was quite certain when the power would come back on, I decided to keep going.  There was a group of us gathered in the parking lot.  A few people came over from the dance studio and The Elks Club because the power was out too and they were hoping to dance tonight like the rest of us.  What a social half hour that was!  We laughed, we listened to music on someone's phone, we researched the bird that was diving in and around us, a Nighthawk, and we talked dance.  Playful.  That was one of the cards I drew today.

The word came down that the power wouldn't be on until at least 10:30 so my lesson was canceled.  Then word came down that the DJ was leaving, so there would be no music.  Then the cook left, so no chance of french fries even if they did open.

We all bid adieu to one another and most of us headed back home--some without power.

As I was driving back, it was darker than when I had left and I could see just how wide the outage area was.  It reached into Tumalo and the dividing line was just a couple of houses before my street.  Back home I came, all was in order.  Bodie was happy to go back outside.  Pinkie was happy to have me by her side.  And momma was happy to reapply the heating pad and know all was well.