When you have heightened intuitive gifts, sometimes you have to stop yourself from completing that age old question: Is it a blessing or a ... and just look for the blessing. At the time, it may seem like a curse, but no such gift from the Universe would be a curse, so taking time to sit back and reflect often reveals the blessing, as shrouded as it may be.
On the drive home tonight, I just knew there would be a baby animal on the road that needed to be rescued. I knew it like I knew today was Thursday. All I kept hoping was that it wasn't one of the playful kids in a fenced pasture I pass several times a week. I stayed in the left lane thinking that would give me the best chance of seeing both sides of the highway. My eyes were darting back and forth, and back and forth.
And just ahead in between cars in the right lane there was a brief clearing and I saw. I saw what seemed to be the down of a parent goose being swept up in the air as the other parent was frantically circling several goslings. I couldn't stop. There was a stream of cars behind me and no space to safely pull to the right and off the road quickly enough.
I watched in my rearview mirror as another car in the right lane approached and it seemed to me as if they slowed down. It was hard to judge as I still had to keep my eyes ahead.
Tears started rolling down my cheeks. The sobbing started. How is it that I knew an innocent creature would need help and then I was left powerless. I ran through possibilities. If I pulled over I could run back along the shoulder and try to coax them off the road. But what if my approach frightened them and they ran back out. What if someone swerved to avoid them and I was there. From what I could deduce, they were trying to get across the four lanes of highway, they were just starting out, not reaching the other side, would I be able to affect their instinct.
So, I continued driving, my vision getting more and more blurry. I just kept seeing the frantic adult and very frightened and confused goslings. When I got home, I changed and I went outside and hugged Alibi and cried while I told him what happened.
It wasn't until I picked up my computer to write this blog that it struck me. Whenever I set out in the car, I always ask my angels to keep my path clear and all animals off the road and to guide me back home safely. Knowing in my gut there would be an animal in the road kept me in the left lane. My path was clear. I returned home safely. Sad, but safe.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Happy
The day I realized
that I didn't need a reason to be happy
is the day I discovered
what happiness is.
I choose to be happy.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Was I Misreading Everything?
This is a question I have been asking myself for the last several hours.
The day began after waking from a very vivid and disturbing dream about a death, a bloody face and sounds that made my skin crawl. Everything this morning checked out okay when I was out doing my chores, so I filed the dream away to be revisited later.
While inside working, I heard a strange chicken sound and when I went to the window I saw Ginger running from one spot to another, but it wasn't a panic run so I thought everything was fine. At lunch, I moved the horses to the arena and Faramir was the last to be moved. Usually the last one runs back and forth along the fence line certain that the minutes it takes me to return are hours. Instead, he was jumping, turning around, kicking and snorting all at the gate area. I watched him and thought something must be biting him or scratching him. But when I took him out and looked him over, all was fine.
Then there was another strange occurrence. It was a thump of sorts. Pippin ran, I saw Alibi in the arena looking toward the barn, and there on the gravel was a Red Tailed Hawk. What's so strange about this is that they don't fly much overhead here because I don't have pasture and grasses and I think they have better hunting elsewhere. Of course, I dropped my manure fork and went running to be sure it wasn't hurt and then prey for the dogs. Instead, it took off and I saw several of the girls tucked behind the canisters along the barn wall. Upon further inspection, I saw four feet on the other side of the barn wall so I went in to find Helen and Cinnamon. They had run for cover. Everyone seemed fine.
I returned to my poop scooping, emptied the bucket and on the way back in, I saw Shadow go to the water trough to drink and then jump back and run off. Now that was strange. And that's when I realized nothing was fine. My sweet Spice girl had fallen in the trough and drowned. My gasp got everyone's attention. It has been my biggest fear that this could happen and it's why I keep the trough as full as possible to avoid someone falling in and if it happened, they could reach the side. It's how I imagine it would go. Well, of course, the horses and goats drink and the water goes down and my guess is she went to the edge as she has been doing for almost two years, dipped down to reach the water and slipped.
Was it her I heard earlier? Was Faramir telling me something wasn't right? Was the hawk an omen?
I think I missed some signs.
While I was digging, Ginger went over to Spice and I could hear him talking to her. They were best of friends. And then as if in mourning, all the hens went to the hen house, much earlier than they usually do. Locking them in for the night broke my heart again when I realized Spice wouldn't be on the upper ledge she likes to sleep on every night.
Spice was a funny girl. She was a big talker. She would follow me around and talk. Just about every day I would pick her up and hug her and she let me. Back when she was a pullet, she was one of the first ones to jump out of their crib. And then she would wander off on her own, so independent. She and Ginger used to sleep up in the juniper tree and every night I would take them down and put them in the hen house.
And to remind me to pay attention, Bodie had some kind of feces in his hair. He never does that, that's Pinkie's M.O. When I came in, Pooker was calling but not from her cage; she had managed to fly over to the front window.
I can do without days like today.
The day began after waking from a very vivid and disturbing dream about a death, a bloody face and sounds that made my skin crawl. Everything this morning checked out okay when I was out doing my chores, so I filed the dream away to be revisited later.
While inside working, I heard a strange chicken sound and when I went to the window I saw Ginger running from one spot to another, but it wasn't a panic run so I thought everything was fine. At lunch, I moved the horses to the arena and Faramir was the last to be moved. Usually the last one runs back and forth along the fence line certain that the minutes it takes me to return are hours. Instead, he was jumping, turning around, kicking and snorting all at the gate area. I watched him and thought something must be biting him or scratching him. But when I took him out and looked him over, all was fine.
Then there was another strange occurrence. It was a thump of sorts. Pippin ran, I saw Alibi in the arena looking toward the barn, and there on the gravel was a Red Tailed Hawk. What's so strange about this is that they don't fly much overhead here because I don't have pasture and grasses and I think they have better hunting elsewhere. Of course, I dropped my manure fork and went running to be sure it wasn't hurt and then prey for the dogs. Instead, it took off and I saw several of the girls tucked behind the canisters along the barn wall. Upon further inspection, I saw four feet on the other side of the barn wall so I went in to find Helen and Cinnamon. They had run for cover. Everyone seemed fine.
I returned to my poop scooping, emptied the bucket and on the way back in, I saw Shadow go to the water trough to drink and then jump back and run off. Now that was strange. And that's when I realized nothing was fine. My sweet Spice girl had fallen in the trough and drowned. My gasp got everyone's attention. It has been my biggest fear that this could happen and it's why I keep the trough as full as possible to avoid someone falling in and if it happened, they could reach the side. It's how I imagine it would go. Well, of course, the horses and goats drink and the water goes down and my guess is she went to the edge as she has been doing for almost two years, dipped down to reach the water and slipped.
Was it her I heard earlier? Was Faramir telling me something wasn't right? Was the hawk an omen?
I think I missed some signs.
While I was digging, Ginger went over to Spice and I could hear him talking to her. They were best of friends. And then as if in mourning, all the hens went to the hen house, much earlier than they usually do. Locking them in for the night broke my heart again when I realized Spice wouldn't be on the upper ledge she likes to sleep on every night.
Spice was a funny girl. She was a big talker. She would follow me around and talk. Just about every day I would pick her up and hug her and she let me. Back when she was a pullet, she was one of the first ones to jump out of their crib. And then she would wander off on her own, so independent. She and Ginger used to sleep up in the juniper tree and every night I would take them down and put them in the hen house.
And to remind me to pay attention, Bodie had some kind of feces in his hair. He never does that, that's Pinkie's M.O. When I came in, Pooker was calling but not from her cage; she had managed to fly over to the front window.
I can do without days like today.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Moonlight
And so, when she was ready
She moved out from beneath the shadow
The shadow she created
To dance alone
To dance free
It is her light that guides many
Her splendor which renders them mad
Rituals inspired by her phases
A mystery is her darkness
Saturday, January 3, 2015
What's to Resolve?
I guess I'm on a new year kick. I took a good week off from Facebook, not for any reason in particular, but I just did. Logging in the other day, initially to contact someone because it was the only way I could reach her, I took some time to catch up on some posts. Some of those posts got me thinking.
The ones that suggest that as of January 1, some undesirable habits or traits were going to vanish suddenly. I thought, good for you if you have the willpower to make that happen! Some people are successful with going cold turkey. But what if not everyone can pull that feat off? I thought, what if we call in those habits and traits that need to go, look at them, understand why they exist, assess their value or degenerative quality and then with total knowing and purpose and faith in oneself, gently release the attachment to them and find our power to stand naked in a more pure self?
Then there are those posts that suggest that someone is going to appear in the new year to make us happy and feel loved and loving. I thought, isn't that a cure-all pill! But what if that someone doesn't appear? I thought, how many people do we know who drift in and out of relationships and on the way out usually have much to say about the short-comings of the other person. Are there really that many bad options for us or are we opting badly? If we feel void of happiness and love, believing those gifts are bestowed upon us by another, how can we expect someone who possesses them to find us when our own beacon of self-love is dimmed? If we do not feel love and happiness with ourselves, does it not follow that the energy we attract would also lack love and happiness? What if we live the life we believe we are here to live, if we look in the mirror daily and the first thing we do is smile back instead of inspect and discount, what if daily we say out loud, "I love you," when we are the only person in the room?
And then there are the lists. I thought, fifteen things to change about yourself in one year is ambitious and there are people who can attack a to-do list with verve and commitment. But what about us who get distracted between items one and six? They say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit or behavior. Mathematically, that would be 315 days, leaving only 50 days of being a sloth, not even enough time to have a week off between list items. I thought, instead of being beholden to an optimistic list created by someone else, what if we explored what our heart really needs for us to do. Maybe it is something on that list, after all, we are not that unique, we are human. What if we embrace that one list item and not only change the habit or behavior, but live it and breath it and share it and be it?
When I look at the definition of resolution, I see the word act and it is used as a noun, not a verb as to pretend. And I see the word answer, which means there must be a question. And I see the word ability, which must mean there is always possibility. So what is the question? That, my friends, is entirely up to us.
res·o·lu·tion noun \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\
The ones that suggest that as of January 1, some undesirable habits or traits were going to vanish suddenly. I thought, good for you if you have the willpower to make that happen! Some people are successful with going cold turkey. But what if not everyone can pull that feat off? I thought, what if we call in those habits and traits that need to go, look at them, understand why they exist, assess their value or degenerative quality and then with total knowing and purpose and faith in oneself, gently release the attachment to them and find our power to stand naked in a more pure self?
Then there are those posts that suggest that someone is going to appear in the new year to make us happy and feel loved and loving. I thought, isn't that a cure-all pill! But what if that someone doesn't appear? I thought, how many people do we know who drift in and out of relationships and on the way out usually have much to say about the short-comings of the other person. Are there really that many bad options for us or are we opting badly? If we feel void of happiness and love, believing those gifts are bestowed upon us by another, how can we expect someone who possesses them to find us when our own beacon of self-love is dimmed? If we do not feel love and happiness with ourselves, does it not follow that the energy we attract would also lack love and happiness? What if we live the life we believe we are here to live, if we look in the mirror daily and the first thing we do is smile back instead of inspect and discount, what if daily we say out loud, "I love you," when we are the only person in the room?
And then there are the lists. I thought, fifteen things to change about yourself in one year is ambitious and there are people who can attack a to-do list with verve and commitment. But what about us who get distracted between items one and six? They say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit or behavior. Mathematically, that would be 315 days, leaving only 50 days of being a sloth, not even enough time to have a week off between list items. I thought, instead of being beholden to an optimistic list created by someone else, what if we explored what our heart really needs for us to do. Maybe it is something on that list, after all, we are not that unique, we are human. What if we embrace that one list item and not only change the habit or behavior, but live it and breath it and share it and be it?
When I look at the definition of resolution, I see the word act and it is used as a noun, not a verb as to pretend. And I see the word answer, which means there must be a question. And I see the word ability, which must mean there is always possibility. So what is the question? That, my friends, is entirely up to us.
res·o·lu·tion noun \ˌre-zə-ˈlü-shən\
: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something
: an answer or solution to something
: the ability of a device to show an image clearly and with a lot of detail
Thursday, January 1, 2015
A Domino Effect
Setting resolutions for the new year has never been my thing. If there is something I believe I need to stop doing, or start doing, waiting for the calendar pages to turn is too risky. It's likely I will have changed my mind by then.
But there is something infectious about the day.
Rabbit. Rabbit.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
How I Love Thee
Where does one begin to count the ways? I simply adore my friend, Alibi. I love him from the deepest recesses of my heart. Why? What is it about an animal that would make me feel this way? His soul is so pure and his intentions so honest, to break it down into human constructed numbers would belittle his magnitude.
Tonight, Alibi's favorite farrier, Randy, was here to clean up his hooves. While Randy trimmed, picked and finished up with the rasp, I brushed out Alibi's wind knotted mane. The three of us have great conversations every eight weeks. Alibi always turns around and gives Randy's hat a tug or nudges his back in the gentlest of ways just to let him know he appreciates the care with which Randy works. And then Alibi and I cuddle, stare into each other's eyes, breathe into each other's noses. It's such a harmonious and calm half hour.
It was dark by the time Randy got here this evening so we worked under the light at the barn. Alibi was alert to the night movements out yonder, Faramir and Hy Note were at the fence, not only keeping us company but prepared to take any cue from their alpha. The goodles were bedded down chewing their cud not far from the herd, the hens closed in for the night and the dogs in their kennel until I'd have time to pick up the hoof trimmings. Quiet. Peaceful. Safe.
As Alibi and I were heading back to the paddock, we stopped so I could hear what Randy was saying and Alibi could stare off into what seemed like the black abyss to me. I said to Alibi, "how about a thank you to Randy?" Around he bends his neck, deep eyes wide open, nostrils large and relaxed, and he's looking at Randy who is packing his truck, not for second taking his eyes off of him. I said, "Randy, Alibi says thank you." Randy turned around, saw and felt the gratitude being extended to him and came right back over to give his thanks as well. Then went back to the truck to get a cookie.
For another moment we shared a few things about Alibi that we mutually admire and respect. It doesn't take confirmation from someone else to let me know how special this horse is, but when it comes from someone who can recognize and appreciate the most subtle of unique qualities, I am again honored and humbled to have this precious being in my life every day.
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