New Rules #2: The Mother Tongue

New Rule:  You cannot criticize others for not speaking English until you, yourself, have mastered the mother of all languages.

Perhaps it's an impossible quest, but I am on a mission to help as many people as I can to increase their knowledge and correct their use of the English language so someone on the other side doesn't utter "idiot" when they read what was written.

Now, I'm not talking about the common typing error or the often nonsensical translations attributed to Siri. Nor am I talking about the really tricky parts of a very confusing and difficult language to learn.  I am aiming to address the everyday usages that are thought to be correct, quite confidently so, but are gravely incorrect.

Let's get started, shall we!

If you say this phrase out loud, you might see my point:  "It's the most stupidest thing."

"I seen it!"  No, you haven't.

If you pronounce espresso as expresso or exit as eggzit, then I see why you might say and write: "ect."  But please don't do that anymore.

Here's a grammar detox:  For kicks, imagine this conversation without the word "at" at the end:  "An ocean roll? Where can I buy that at?"  You feel lighter already, don't you?

Do you say, "Between you and I" because you feel using "me" would sound arrogant?  Relax, it is between someone else and you, and you are me.  Embrace your inner me.

And my new favorite that has become near and dear to my heart and that which I will have great difficulty giving up: "Holly smokes!"

What If...

What If... is not a phrase I use often.  I'm more of a it is or it isn't kind of gal.  It will be or won't be, as you wish.  I suppose I use it when teaching to encourage someone to think about something differently.  Lately, I've been finding myself pondering a lot of What If... scenarios.

What If those conveniently located fast food restaurants were replaced by farmer's markets.  Would kids crave strawberries more than french fries?  Would families tend to eat from plates rather than boxes and wrappers?  Would the shocking obesity rate in the US plummet?

What If bumper stickers that read "I drive this way to piss you off" were replaced with "Wag More. Bark Less."  Would people experience more laughter in their day?  Would aggression on the roads diminish?  Would people's anger be appropriately directed and addressed?

What If there were no guns.  There was a time without them.  Would hunters take the time to learn the craft of bow and arrow?  Would disagreements be resolved with words?  Would living peacefully hit the headline news?

What If meat ranchers all had a touch of autism.  Would the treatment of animals for food be more compassionate?  Would the meat have genuine flavor because the animals are not sick, stressed and medicated?  Would humans consume less additives that aren't natural to their diet because they will no longer be needed?

What If those who are most vocal about having their religious freedoms threatened treat everyone else the way they say they would like to be treated.  Would insults and slurs go by the wayside?  Would a young boy named Aalam, whose name means World, have no self-esteem issues because of the way a boy named Adam treated him?

What If everyone sat in meditation or prayer for ten minutes every day.  Would people's health improve as their stress level noticeably decreased?  Would kindness be the first reaction?  Would people find greater happiness in life because they take time to look within for happiness, for their own truth?

What If people educated themselves properly before making a statement about a global issue.  Would there be less fear among the masses?  Would they have to confront their own demons before demonizing others?  Would progress be made because dialogue was based on facts not on regurgitated untruths?

What If people were more aware about global issues?  Would the 3.3 billion women on this planet have the same rights as men?  Would there be as much outrage over the rape of women in the "Democratic" Republic of Congo or Sudan as there is over background checks for gun purchases? Would people learn that every action is just one link in the unbroken global chain?

What If everyone traveled to a foreign country at least once in their life, not including resort towns in Mexico or Canada.  Would there be more patience for those having difficulty speaking the English language?  Would people realize there are many ideas of freedom?

What If everyone unplugged for one day.  After you read my blog.

What If.... This could be a very useful phrase after all.