Funny How Things Work Out

It's been well over a year that I have been teaching dance at Maverick's and I am there every Friday night.  Tonight is an exception and it's a little strange but it actually worked out for the best.  Funny how the Universe looks after us like that.

This afternoon, Pinkie was at the vet having a laceration tended to.  When I picked her up, she was still very groggy from the sedation, her right front paw bandaged--they even used pink wrap!--and she had a cone, or crown, on her head to prevent her from pulling off her bandage and chewing on her sutures.

Her walk to the car was noticeably crooked.  Rather than put her in the way back where the dogs usually ride, it was easier to load her into the back seat.  She was much happier to be closer to me and let's face, the leather seat felt better than the mat in the back.  On the short ride home, she managed to tip over and I heard it, "crinkle. crunch."  I had stopped at Trader Joe's before picking her up and got another bag of those addicting potato chips.  She landed face first into the grocery bag.

Pinkie definitely required help getting up the stairs but more than that, help maneuvering with the crown on her head.  Bodie had no idea what to make of her and he wanted to cuddle with her but she was too out of it to realize that.

The vet gave me a plastic bag, what was originally a drip solution bag, to put over her paw if she went outside to keep the vet wrap dry and clean.  I thought Bodie and I could sneak out and feed the horses some lunch while Pink slept it off, but no, she staggered to the stairs and once again, required assistance, this time going down.

The dog door.  A cone-headed dog doesn't fit through it.  She couldn't comprehend that so it required backing her up from the door so I could open it in and let her out.  She whined while Bodie and I quickly did our chores and we rushed back in to be with her.  My boss needed a contract reviewed so I managed to squeeze in two hours of editing and writing.

As the afternoon wore on, Pinkie got a little more mobile and decided to go to her favorite place: under my bed.  Crash.  That was the crown banging up against the rails on my bed as she persisted.  Thankfully she relented after a few tries.  As she came back in the living room, Pooker took off flying across the room because the crown scared her.  This cycle happened several times over the next two hours.

When I went out to feed dinner and lock in the hens (I cannot thank the heavens enough for how easy that was tonight) before leaving for my lesson, Pinkie was a bit more alert and really wanted out of the dog yard.  So, again I put on her durable plastic bag and let her follow me.  Mistake.  I forgot how the horses reacted before when sweet Felon had a crown on her head.  Snorting and prancing, the horses wanted to figure out what the heck that beast was!  Then Shadow and Pippin were taken aback--that was short lived.  The hens were running around us and Pinkie was in a panic sensing everyone's discomfort.  Okay, back to the dog yard.

The nearly $200 vet bill took a lot of out me, in addition to my $65 oil change, so I coaxed Pinkie to her blanket on the sofa and I closed my eyes for 20 minutes.  Sort of peace and quiet.  Just before that, Pooker flew again as Pinkie walked by but she landed on the windowsill and was tripping on the view so I let her be.

As I got myself put together to head out, Pinkie was either getting stuck behind a door as she banged it closed on her way through or she'd stand there with half of her crown behind the door and other half exposed wanting to proceed forward.  Assistance required.

I left the dogs in the living area of the house when I left.  If just Bodie were outside, Pinkie would probably bark and whine and if I left Pinkie outside she wouldn't have been able to come into the garage through the dog door.  It hasn't been since a cold night last winter that they were left in the house alone.  And was she going to have any late reaction to the medication?  Did she go pee pee when we were out?  Had her system slowed down with the sedation and would she suddenly need to go out?

As I was driving to Maverick's I was reminded of the pain in my lower back.  I have no idea what I did today but Tiger Balm, heating pad and Tylenol still have not kicked it down.  It hurts.

Then I started receiving messages and texts that the power was out at Maverick's.  Apparently an entire section of town was out.  As it's just a short drive away and no one was quite certain when the power would come back on, I decided to keep going.  There was a group of us gathered in the parking lot.  A few people came over from the dance studio and The Elks Club because the power was out too and they were hoping to dance tonight like the rest of us.  What a social half hour that was!  We laughed, we listened to music on someone's phone, we researched the bird that was diving in and around us, a Nighthawk, and we talked dance.  Playful.  That was one of the cards I drew today.

The word came down that the power wouldn't be on until at least 10:30 so my lesson was canceled.  Then word came down that the DJ was leaving, so there would be no music.  Then the cook left, so no chance of french fries even if they did open.

We all bid adieu to one another and most of us headed back home--some without power.

As I was driving back, it was darker than when I had left and I could see just how wide the outage area was.  It reached into Tumalo and the dividing line was just a couple of houses before my street.  Back home I came, all was in order.  Bodie was happy to go back outside.  Pinkie was happy to have me by her side.  And momma was happy to reapply the heating pad and know all was well.

Kindness of Others

It is with the kindness of family, friends, neighbors, doctors and animals that I have been healing my heart.

Thank you to all of you who called, stopped by, sent messages and cards and sent your loving energy. From deep down inside I am grateful for your love and caring.

One of the gals at Bend Equine made this woven heart from Tripper's tail hair. It's really beautiful and incredibly special.

Healing a Heartache

Larry and I are in our new home and we are happy, comfortable and so pleased with the remodel results and having air conditioning at 85 degrees.

At the same time we both are feeling a profound sadness. An emptiness that aches and aches on.

On Friday, the day we were moving, in a matter of 3 hours I was faced with the most shocking and unexpected and extremely difficult decision of kissing Tripper one last time as he went off to horse heaven.

So much of what we created here at Om Ranch was created with Tripper in mind. From the fencing to the dry lot to rock collection and pathways. For some reason he wasn't meant to come here. I cannot grasp the why.

Many beautiful things have been said about Tripper and they all hold truth. He was strong and stoic and most other horses with the level of pain he had would be on the ground rolling. He stayed strong for me and did not want me to see his pain. He is in horse heaven under a shade tree with our neighbor horse Twist. His body was giving out a year and half ago and it was his spirit that came alive again to carry him this far. He regained his dignity, something very important to horses, and he died with dignity.

I cannot put words to the pain I feel in my heart.

Tripper opened a part of my heart that I didn't realize existed. He invited me to love in a different way. Without his daily encouragement I feel lost. Can I continue what he has shown me on my own?

Friday morning I went out to greet my boys as usual and I did not see Tripper's ears perking up over the hay and I did not hear his familiar good morning nicker. Alibi and Pippin were there, but not Tripper. I went looking for him up in lava land, a place he never went because the rocky surface was too much on his senior bones.

The gate is at one end of the dry lot so I started calling him and walking in. Some ways in I could see him walking toward my voice. As soon as he saw me, he went down. I ran to him and found him scratched and scraped from head to hoof from rolling around on the ground trying to ease his abdominal pain. He had been in pain for a while.

Gently I got the halter around his confused head and worked with him to get him up. Carla, a gal boarding her horses there, came up to help me and the two of us kept him walking. Pippin and Alibi were behind us, encouraging him to keep going. We got him up to the barn and put him in the round pen to keep him going.

He wanted to lie down and roll again and we had to work hard to not allow that. I called the vet and it seemed to take hours before they arrived. A call for colic is an emergency response.

When they arrived they did a preliminary exam and Tripper's heart rate was dangerously high. They gave him medication to ease the pain. They gave him a sedative so they could put a tube up his nose and down his throat. They had to give him a second dose and still he seemed not to be too sedated. He was a gentleman while they did what they had to to assess his condition.

We walked him back down through the dry lot and through the gate of Jeff and Barb's place to use their trailer. Every horse along the way was calling out to him. He didn't have the energy to walk but he did and he kept going. A good 1/2 mile.

After some other tests, it was determined that part of his small intestine had died, most likely due to a lipoma that cut it off. Apparently, this is somewhat common in senior horses. Surgery didn't suggest high positive odds and even if the surgery did go well, his expected time would maybe be a year.

I had to decide fairly quickly because if we wanted to do surgery, we had to do it right away. There was no knowing how much of his small intestine was affected until the surgery and then only so much of it could be removed.

Tripper stayed standing the entire time. He moved as he was asked. He was polite and kept his manners. I couldn't stop holding him and kissing him and comforting him. I asked him to comfort me.

I held Tripper until his last breaths. When he was gone, I stayed with him for a while just caressing him and playing with his very soft mane. I kissed him again and felt that little bump in his forehead that I felt everyday and I smelled his fresh sweet coat, a combination I enjoyed every day for a year and a half. With my eyes closed I could tell you it was him.

Later when I got back home I went up to lava land to see where he was and what he had experienced. I didn't realize it until then that he was behind my house. He came looking for me.

He never made it to our new home. Here we remember him and talk about him often and we cry. It was a shock. And it is a deep loss that we will feel for a very long time.

I miss my friend. I miss my horse. I miss that part of my heart being touched every morning.