It is What It is. I am Who I am.

It is what it is. I am white. I have fair skin. I have blue eyes. I am slender. These physical traits are worth gold. Sometimes, that I am a woman, strikes oil! But who am I? No one who doesn't know me, really knows that answer. But looking at me, they are certain they do.

They don't follow me around the department store. My former partner regularly shoplifted at Home Depot. But he was white and middle-aged. It is the Latinos who really needed to be watched.

I can get a job fairly easily. Many people in my predominantly white community don't show up for jobs, quit and complain when things don't go their way or when they want to ski or play instead. But those Native Americans are so lazy.

When I walk into a bank, I am greeted and it's likely assumed that I am depositing a respectable pay check or withdrawing money from a stable bank account. Surely that black woman must need help for a loan.

I can get a job. I can get a loan. I am more likely to get out of a ticket. I am less likely to go to jail.

My friends, and I mean good friends, have these traits: black, Asian, Latino, Native American, Eastern Indian, gay, bi, trans, asexual, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, atheist, agnostic, tall, fat, super short, have a gold tooth or a missing tooth.

And for any one of these traits, they have been criticized, ostracized, bullied, passed over. It occurs to me that if I asked them to share a short story of one of these experiences, it would knock my socks off because I'm confident I only know a small part of that experience of harsh judgment.

There are people in my blood circle who use the N word and huff in disgust when they see Black Lives Matter or a black president, or families seeking asylum--in accordance with US law. Because who knows better than they when these people should be "over" racism and segregation; surely they can judge that better than those who suffer the N label.

I don't apologize for what I look like; as I said, I am who I am. But I am acutely aware of the overt favoritism and the unconscious preferential treatment I receive.

If I am the majority, by society's standard, then I must stand up for the minority. To not would be to not use my magic for good.

And I believe people who look like me judge more, hate more, blame more, because they don't know what to do with their feeling of shame or guilt, so it's easier to be angry. It's easier to separate. But really, if they embraced who they are fully, empowered themselves with that, they could lift up many. They could help change the world, literally.

But hey, even with all the perks and security of my physical traits, when it gets down to brass tacks, I am more likely to be grabbed by the pussy. Isn't that special.

#justsayin'
#neverthelessshepersisted
#goddesses

Prayer for 2019

If you've shared a meal with me, you know that before eating, I bow and give thanks.

Someone once asked, out of curiosity, what I said in my prayer. It can go anywhere from the obvious, such as, thanking the planet for providing the food in front of me and for bringing my meal companion to the table, to giving thanks for the hot water water I use to wash my plates and the four walls surrounding us in safety, to being grateful for coming to a place of compassion and no harm in my food choices. I may send out prayers to someone in particular who has been on my mind, or ask that all beings know peace.

Last night, as I was having an early dinner because it was the eve of the new year and I needed to be ready to spend hours outdoors with my herd if the fireworks got too close, I sat in quiet and in prayer. For the new year, the new moon, the partial solar eclipse of this week, I felt the pull to pray deep for the planet and all its beings. More than that, to pray for love. To pray that all beings may know love, love for themselves and love for others. That they may know love from themselves and from others.

Suddenly, I heard the message, it was healing. Healing needed the space.

I realized, I could pray for love--and I will continue to do so, but it is healing that is needed. For if a person has trauma, self-loathing, lacks belief in their value, stews in old patterns and thoughts, they cannot be in a space of true love. Because love of self is often the hardest to achieve, yet it is essential to really loving another. Love of self comes from being healed of worn stories, from karma of past lifetimes; it comes from believing that you are love and so is every other being on this planet.

If you cannot see yourself in every other being, your expression of love is short-circuiting. To not see yourself in other beings, is to put yourself above others, creating separation and distinction, imposing a measure of worthiness and the right to exist.

Once we heal a wound, one at a time, once we forgive a past injustice, once we detach from the story we created that binds us to what happened, we experience a freedom like nothing else. We then possess the vision to continue our healing. As this happens, the pain is transmuted to universal love.

Love isn't agreeing with or forgetting, it's allowing space for all of us to heal, including ourselves. It's holding space for another to go through their process and not be tied to the outcome for them. Love is a practice and a journey.

I. We. All.

In light and love,